and if you saw me now, would you smile?

it's been a lifetime.

2008-06-24T21:04:35Z

woahdamnn, it's been forever since i was last on livejournal.
i've missed it u.u
school's been out for awhile now, and i have a fic rewritten for all you kiddies who wanna read it. it's an old one, but.. i like it. :]
i just need somewhere to put it, other than here.
off to search!
guh. i have to finish those other ones. where on earth have i been?

i just never want to know.

2008-04-18T12:07:06Z

our teacher hasn't been here for three days, and we haven't had any computers.
i've been on sort of at home, to check myspace and my comments on my slashers.
[thank you very much, btw :D]
but it's effing freezing in here, i'm in the room where the kids do the yearbook and newspaper and stuff. the kids in the other room are watching 'the pursuit of happiness', and i'm here sitting next to my fanfic-writing friend. i'm still (super) tired, and Alex [plzactsurprised] is sick so i don't get to see her today ]:
all week i haven't gotten proper sleep. that's probably my own fault, on the phone til two or so. but it's not my fault that i haven't been tired! and then i wake up, exhausted, and struggle through the day half-awake, and still don't sleep til late after i nap for half hour to... three hours. x:
i was up the past couple of days thanks to Stefie [pretyoddstef] keeping me awake, texting me, and vitamin water. and hand-writing some fics.
myspace isn't working for me in here. but of course lj is, and that's better than nothing. that means i can read slashers if i wanted to for the next hour! xD
i'm supposed to be drawing stefie as a lizard, actually. but i couldn't find my sketchbook. D:
speaking of stefie, her and i are writing our own slash :]
i can't give too much away; when we're done, we'll post it. but drama and angst smother it, and it'll just break your heart.

i guess i'll have to do one thing at a time. the proxy's pissing me off.
much love.
x

A Sweet Autumn's Dream (We Can Turn Our Backs on the Past)

2008-04-16T02:05:09Z

Title: A Sweet Autumn's Dream (We Can Turn Our Backs on the Past)
Author: hopeyou_choke
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Brendon/Ryan
POV: 3rd
Word Count: about 550
Summary: ". . . and Brendon just watched him glow . . . the pain that he held locked away in gentle brown eyes was gone."
Dedication: Thanks to miss jen_jm for hooking me onto my newest addiction to Ryden. Her prequel to Vampire Hunting is the World's Oldest Profession (And I, Dear Madame, am a Professional) just got latched onto my brain, and it sent me into a desire to write something like this. And, again, to my darling plzactsurprised for the first part of the title, and the inspiration to write about love. The second part was dropped to me by prettyoddstef ; and, of course, Cobra Starship for the actual line from The World Has Its Shine (But I Would Drop It On a Dime). (Aha, that rhymed! xD) Arigatou gozaimasu. :] <3

He ran his fingers slowly through Ryan’s soft brunette hair, smiling at how shyly the thin boy shifted under him. The sea air was calming, the chilly breeze of the Autumn night keeping their limbs tangled, body heat keeping them deathly close. But no awkwardness. Ryan shivered, and he carefully tucked the blanket under him a bit more, grazing the slightly-exposed skin of Ryan’s pale back. Ryan yelped, meeting a worried gaze at the sharp, sudden sound.
“Bren, you’re freezing!” he whimpered. Brendon apologized with his eyes, and Ryan found comfort back against his chest, letting Brendon’s cold hand slide into his shirt and trace hearts on his back. “Thank you for bringing me here, Brenny. It’s so quiet and beautiful. And you can see all the stars.” Ryan was beaming, a candle’s light in the darkness, and Brendon just watched him glow. He admired the way his aura was so light. This change was extraordinary; he was... happy. The pain that he held locked away in gentle brown eyes was gone.
Brendon’s fingers had found their way from Ryan’s waist to his neck, placed tenderly on his pulse, the steady heartbeat a metronome in which he patterned his breath to. He tapped faintly in time to each breath he felt Ryan take in and exhale, a rhythm he never wanted to know was gone forever. There had been so many times he was scared that there would be no more Ryro, no more adorable little morning smiles and guitar lessons at three in the morning, or even a secret love they needed no words for. Glances, kisses, moans. Love. Brendon would be lost without him. He was the reason he was always jumpy and could never sit still. He heard Ryan gasp, and his eyes shifted upwards to where the older boy’s were.
“A shooting star, Brenny!” Ryan cried. “Make a wish.” He looked into his eyes sweetly, “Before it’s gone.” he whispered.
But Brendon did not need a wish. He didn’t even need any words, not right now. He just smiled back and touched Ryan’s cheek gently, humoring him, closing his eyes along with him. Maybe deep inside his heart wished he could stay the way he was forever; with Ryan in his arms, unabused, unabashed, feeling safe. The lethargy that gripped him had freed him, even temporarily. He wanted to heal the faint pink scars angled along fragile, pale wrists, the ones he'd touched when they were fresh and ached and Ryan's eyes were swollen from crying and feeling guilty and horrible. Brendon was calm and quiet, not the ball of energy he usually was, but... it was best for these moments. To soak up the essence that was Ryan Ross, and every little aspect of beauty that came along with it. And Ryan understood, and appreciated just spending a night in a place he never wanted to leave from. He was free.
He felt Ryan nuzzle into his neck, his cold nose touching his skin, fingers lacing tight with one another. Fitting like they were meant to belong. He felt his lips move against his skin to form quiet words, “I love you, Bren.”
“I love you too, Ry. More than you’ll ever know.” And oh, how he wished Ryan knew. He'd do whatever he could to heal the broken boy.

and i say...

2008-04-15T12:42:49Z

Okay, so... like, I haven't actually had an LJ in quite some time. I used it for its original purpose for about two years; ranting about any bad thing that would happen to me. No good. Reading back on it, it makes me want to chew off someone's face.

I'm running on four hours of sleep for the second day in a row. Going to bed at two and waking up at six isn't good for me.

So, I'm going to use it for my other purpose; slashers. And venting. And any other random thing I can think of. Things have changed for me, and that's okay. PATD holds the best line to describe how things are now. I'm happy. I'm writing like it's going out of style. I'm addicted to slashers o.o but it's all okay. I'm cheating the school system with proxys not to get on myspace like everyone else, but to get on here.
I wrote this Ryden last night that I'm really happy with; it's short, almost 500 words, but I have nowhere to post it as of yet u.u dial-up makes it hard to look for communities. I have to post Sound and Silence, my Hayley/VickyT fic that I put on cobraslashship last night, but... this will be the Ryden's first home.

I need a beta. Well, not "need" one, but I don't always catch my mistakes and it worries me when I read over something already done and found screw-up over screw-up. So if a kind soul would want to take me under, that would be amazing.

hipwreck, minus_four, and jen_jm are my favourite writers that I've found lately. [And I'm not just dropping names.] I truly love reading them.

Well, I have to work on my newspaper project in here, so I'll post the Ryden later. Thanks to my baby plzactsurprised for the title, which I'll show later ;)

Much love.
x